Fear

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Hello! I have hooked up with a group of amazing female writers who are supporting each other as rising bloggers.  In an effort to encourage our creativity and enthusiasm, each week we will be participating in a writing prompt.  You can click here to read the other wonderful blog posts by the group members.  This week the topic is:  “The Scariest Thing I Ever Did”

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What is the scariest thing that I have ever done?  As soon as I read the question, I instantly knew what the answer was.  Ironically, hands down, it was starting this blog.  I know that it seems like it shouldn’t be such a big deal for a journalism/communications major who aspired to be a news anchor to communicate with other people in such a public way but, obviously that whole journalist thing fell by the way side, for a number of reasons.  Truth is, I had become very comfortable with keeping my thoughts rambling around in my head for review and comment only by me (and maybe my hubby).  My conversations were mostly between my three favorite people – me, myself and I – and I always had the most insightful responses.  Yes, I had friends and acquaintances but, I was personally guarded and I was happy that way.

Then came the move to Texas.  It was a great opportunity for my husband’s career but, I left everything behind – my family, my friends, my church, my hairstylist – everything!  And, while my husband  moved and quickly assimilated into his new job, I, a stay-at-home mom, felt very isolated and alone.  You know what that led to, don’t you?  Me being one bitter broad.  Yep!  There were days when I literally spewed venom toward my husband.  I tried to keep it together and rise above it all but, slowly, I came to realize that I was wallowing in self-pity and losing my mind.  Then sometime after Thanksgiving, I knew that I needed an outlet or things were going to get really ugly.  I had been a big Facebook user and it came to me that I could refocus my energy (and anger) toward blogging in order to organize my thoughts, think about things out side of myself and satisfy my creative side.  By the way, I knew absolutely nothing about blogging.  Zero! Yet, amazingly, it sounded like a good idea.

On December 31, 2012, the night before My So Called Glamorous Life: the adventures of a domestic engineer was launched, I sat on my bed and cried. My husband stood and watched me.  By that time I think that he might have been suffering from post traumatic stress disorder from dealing with me.  I was terrified at the thought of putting myself out there for public review.   Blogging is very different from being a news reporter or writer. Blogging comes from a very personal perspective and involves letting other people into your life and your thoughts.   The public gets to respond to you and tell you what they think of your opinion.  In case you haven’t noticed, hurling vitriol on the internet has become a blood sport.  Over absolutely EVERYTHING or nothing, depending how you look at it.  You can say something as harmless as “I really don’t like the taste of beets” and suddenly you have people calling you a “beet hater!!!!”  Then the post goes viral and people are sending you hate filled e-mails concerning your non-tolerance of beets.  Okay, maybe it’s not that silly, but often, sadly, it is.  The point is that they are my thoughts and opinions and I wanted no part of other people stepping on them.  So, finally after watching me cry for a few minutes,  my husband, God bless him, sat down beside me, looked me in my eyes and said, “Lisa, you are one of the most capable, talented people that I have ever known.  I just don’t understand where this is coming from and why you are so scared.”  You know that I wanted to punch him in the throat, right?  So much for understanding me through osmosis.  I didn’t punch him, but instead I  said, “What if I fail?”  He paused, then said, “What does failing mean to you?” Just as I was about to scream at him, it dawned on me that he had a point, and a good one at that.  This blog was for me.  It was my therapy and nothing else.  Therefore, there was no possibility of failure.  Besides, I was absolutely convinced that no one was going to read it.  I was instantly relieved and feeling better, I hit “publish”.

I was wrong, people do read it.  People from England, Australia, Italy, India, Canada,  South Africa, and the good old United States of America.  A lot are personal friends and family, while others are fellow bloggers and/or complete strangers. People leave me the sweetest comments about how they enjoy reading my blog as part of their day (which blows my mind).  I have started submitting posts on BlogHer (three of which have been syndicated) and other sites. I’m honored and grateful. I’m still scared.  The truth is that I want My So Called Glamorous Life to become a destination blog.  I want people to think of my site when looking for a Lemon Meringue Pie recipe (or any recipe for that matter).  I want my readers to trust me and to find valuable content.  I want to run a well-respected and highly visible blog across various forms of social media.  There, I said it out loud and now you know more of what I’m thinking and where I’m headed.  Still scared while hitting “publish”.

2 responses »

  1. Thanks for being brave enough to share.
    “My conversations were mostly between my three favorite people – me, myself and I – and I always had the most insightful responses.” <–Best line I've read anywhere in a while!

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