Aren’t they adorable? The picture of sisterly love. Not, quite. I can not for the life of me understand the bond between my daughters. It is definitely what you might call a “love/hate” relationship, but it seems to swing by the minute, no, by the second. Most of the time it’s very clear that they love each other dearly, but boy do they fight! Loudly and often…over everything or nothing. It’s both intriguing and frustrating that at one moment these two, born just 18 months apart, can be at each other’s throats over who is the rightful owner of the box of crayons on the right side of the dining room table, even though there is an identical box of crayons on the left side of the same table; and 10 minutes later end up crying because they can’t sit next to each other at the dinner table. I can’t make sense out of this.
I shouldn’t really be surprised because from the moment that they met each other, it was clear that there would be problems. Upon laying eyes on her brand new little sister, Thing 1 erupted into tears. Bitter, sad, angry tears. I hugged and held her the way that I always did and told her that she was still my sweet baby, but now I just had two sweet babies. It didn’t help. There were several thwarted attempted attacks on Thing 2 before Thing 1 settled into some sort of acceptance. Acceptance = ignoring. I encouraged her to help me take care of the baby. No. I found ways to give them each their own time with me hoping that it would help. No. I enlisted my husband to spend more Daddy/Daughter time with Thing 1 in hopes that it would distract her. No. She was jealous and pissed!
Big Poppa, who is a twin, tells me that my problem is that I don’t understand sibling relationships because I was raised as an “only child” . To clarify, I do have siblings, but they are all a lot older than me. In fact, my sister is 13 years older than I am. By the way, I was instructed by my sister to never talk about her in my blog again, but, I can’t really explain my views on this blog topic without talking about my relationship with my sister, can I? Besides, she will forgive me because I’m her little sister. And that’s just it, because of the age difference, there really couldn’t be any rivalry. She was more like a mother to me than a sibling. In fact, I have no memories of her as a kid at all. My earliest memories are vague recollections of her as a college student. Other than living with her as an adult after I finished college, I have no memories of living in the same house. To me, she has always been an adult. In recent years, our relationship has become less parent/child and more equal. We have become real friends (best friends) and I can’t imagine my life without her. We are everything that I envision sisters to be, which is why I have such a hard time understanding the relationship between the Dynamic Duo. I want them to see how blessed they are to have each other from the very beginning.
It’s not all bad. There are just as many good moments as there are bad. They are fiercely protective of each other. They each think the other is the smartest and most beautiful girl on the planet. They are each other’s stylist and confidant. Well, that is until the other one makes them mad and then they tell whatever the other confided in them. It’s a little flimsy. I just wish that I could increase the occurrence of the good times while decreasing the bad. I just don’t understand. If you do, please clue me in.
There are signs of hope. The other day, they were playing together, fussing at each other in the process, accusing each other of doing it wrong. In fact, they were both doing it wrong because they had no business doing it in the first place. Just as I was about to intervene, not only because of the fussing, but also because of the fact that it was all wrong, Thing 2 stopped and said
“What?” replied Thing 1.
“I love you.”
Thing 1 sighed and said “I love you, too.”
I stayed put and said nothing because, even though they were doing something completely against house rules, they loved each other. Made me smile.